When Injury Silences the Athlete: Finding Myself Beyond the Game

By Karina Diaz (Undergraduate Intern at MEDA)

Laying on the 30-degree turf and fighting to catch my breath was one of the strangest moments of my life. My entire leg was on fire. It felt as though my kneecap had popped inwards and back into place, yet I could not bring myself to try and move it. I hoped it was just my kneecap, that I would sit up and it would look fine, I would take a minute and get right back onto the field to keep playing. It was our last practice of the year, and after that all we had left was a scrimmage.

On April 18th, 2024, I had to prepare myself, on the quiet bus ride home, for the reality that it was far more than just a kneecap that had popped out and back into place. I was carried off the athletics bus and into a car. My knee had swollen to the size of a softball. Any muscular movement reminded me of the pain response I had on that field, my leg burning as though it were on fire.

My thoughts spiraled quickly. All I could think about was how I would get to work, how would I make it to class, how would I get from my apartment to the scrimmage in two days if I could not even walk? I figured I would push through the pain, of course; that is what is instilled in us athletes at such a young age. There was no giving up, there was no admittance to failing or losing, the only thing you could do was get back up and try again.

But this time, getting back up wasn’t an option.

Getting to doctors’ appointments with crutches was a daunting task and lasted upwards of four hours just traveling to and from. My days either filled with appointments or getting forced out of my bed by friends as to not fall into a pit of depression, consumed by “what if’s?”.

One of the biggest challenges were the moments when I had no brace to support myself, fighting my hardest not to pass out from the pain in the shower or when changing. I felt the smallest bit of relief when fully still in bed and an ice pack wrapped lightly around my knee that was propped up with a pillow.

Leaving the crutches at home, I attended our annual awards ceremony with my knee brace wrapped tightly around my pants, making sure I would not bend my knee. My body already felt as though it had changed after just two weeks of being bedridden, I clung to the idea that it was just the swelling in my body, but emotionally this was a challenging time.

New MRI scans showed that my bones had chipped, the bright white specks on the screen that my doctor pointed at. More white on the scans showing just how bad the swelling was. The one spot that we were looking to be cloudy was black, my ACL completely torn.

Surgery would get scheduled; doctors would tell me that not only was it a torn ACL, but the “triad of death”, essentially solidifying the end of my college career. Teammates and other student athletes reached out; my coaching staff made sure I was well taken care of. On the outside, I was surrounded by care.

On the inside, though, my anxiety grew, I felt myself becoming increasingly depressed, and my academics began to suffer. There was a sense of loneliness in my day-to-day life, watching everyone else move on, but I was still stuck in that singular moment, my knee in the air fighting for the ball, the last time I played soccer.

The quiet left space for over analysis. If I was not training and burning as much fuel, then I surely didn’t need to eat the same way. I felt out of shape and a stranger in my own body.

Injury creates the perfect storm.

This new lifestyle felt logical; I looked at myself in the mirror as my clothes started to look loose on me. Parts of myself I had always felt insecure about were now the parts of myself that I praised. It didn’t feel alarming. It felt controlled. Disciplined.

This is not an individual struggle; there is a collective, broader systemic issue that college athletes find themselves in. When injury sidelines an athlete, isolation often replaces structure. College athletics and a life around sports suddenly becomes quiet. College sports teach you to always compete at the highest level, that you must fight to get what you want, and that discomfort is “normal”.

There are roughly 570,000 college athletes in the United States across the NCAA and NAIA that are required to meet criterion in their sports as well as in the classroom. The NCAA approximates that 25% of female collegiate athletes and 20% of male collegiate athletes have reported disordered eating symptoms, although this number is likely much higher. While the reported disordered eating symptoms number is roughly 1 in 4 college athletes, every sport has a requirement to meet which in turn means that almost all athletes have practiced disordered or restrictive eating habits. “Some sports are even more vulnerable to disordered eating and eating disorders such as, gymnastics, dance, running, or swimming.” (Ringwood, 2024) due to the need to look aesthetic or lean in the belief that it will improve the athlete’s performance in their sport.

While many D1 programs have a sports nutritionist or sports dietitian for their athletes, other schools with fewer resources for such hires must rely on coaches and fellow athletes for advice on proper nutrition. It is reported that “these professionals are only available at approximately 10% of collegiate athletic departments” (Karpinski, 2012). This means that more than 90% of athletes go without proper nutritional care or guidance, leaving them to figure this task out on their own or alongside a coach.

Many young athletes are catapulted into the world of college life and must navigate a personal life, social life, school, and an incredibly demanding sport schedule. While coaches can do their best to educate their athletes on positive eating habits and to hydrate properly, they most likely are repeating something they once heard as young athletes as well. Resources are very important for athletics programs and although most do not have a direct hire for these services, knowing where to allocate information for the protection of their athletes should be of top priority.

College athletics must take a more proactive approach when it comes to fueling during injury and recovery. Athletes need guidance on how to nourish their bodies when movement decreases – and they need support in learning to listen to their bodies, instead of social media or a calorie-counting app. Coaches should be trained to recognize warning signs: shifts in performance, noticeable changes in eating patterns, which athletes are consistently seeking treatment with the athletic trainers, or withdrawal from teammates..

As an athlete, retired or not, it is important to see yourself as a human, your body is the one thing that sticks with you for life.

Having struggled with disordered eating throughout my athletic career, I am committed to educating others—to show that it’s okay to speak up and that no one should feel like a stranger in their own body. I do not doubt that the habits I had as a teenager, spun as “discipline”, had an effect on my injury and how I viewed myself afterwards.

Now, almost two years since my injury I can say I have experienced the lowest of lows when it came to my mental and physical health, often struggling to get out of bed or feeding myself. Going back and forth multiple times a day on whether I would try to play again.

Being able to work out again and having agency over my body is scary but freeing. I have agency over my mind again; I am not constantly thinking of what I should have done in a practice drill or game or what meal I should have eaten the night before a game. I am not constantly thinking whether or not I will start the next game or what my coach will say to me. I am not constantly comparing myself to the other players, picking myself apart and looking for pieces of myself to replace.

 

References

Karpinski, Christine. “Exploring the Feasibility of an Academic Course That Provides Nutrition Education to Collegiate Student-Athletes.” Journal of Nutrition Education and Behavior, vol. 44, no. 3, May 2012, pp. 267–270, www.jneb.org/article/S1499-4046(11)00536-7/fulltext, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jneb.2011.09.004.

NAIA. “About Us.” NAIA, www.naia.org/about/about-us.

NCAA.org. “A Record Number of NCAA Student-Athletes Participated in 2024-25.” NCAA.org, 15 Sept. 2025, www.ncaa.org/news/2025/9/15/media-center-a-record-number-of-ncaa-student-athletes-participated-in-2024-25.aspx.

Ringwood, Kate. “Athletes and Eating Disorders: A Time of High Pressure and Performance | ANAD – National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders.” Anad.org, 22 July 2024, anad.org/athletes-and-eating-disorders-a-time-of-high-pressure-and-performance/.